Breaking News Alert: Canada builds the greatest of walls

By Nathan Harrell

Ontario – In a shocking yet brilliant move, Canada has announced they intend on building a wall along the U.S. Canada border. The announcement comes on the heels of yet another U.S. mass shooting. Canada’s Prime Minister Justine Trudeau made the announcement outside his home at 24 Sussex Drive saying, “It’s unlikely the ones we fear know how to get to Canada, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.” President Trump released an uncharacteristically succinct statement saying, “ I have a great relationship with Canada, the best relationship, of course if they move forward with this wall they will be sorry. One word…TARRIFs.”(sic) He went on to say, “ The White House intends on releasing further statements soon but will need to confer with intelligence agencies as the exact geographic location of Canada is still, as of yet, unknown.” 

Trudeau initially laid out a plan to pay for the wall that was unanimously agreed upon by parliament, but it turns out there was a GoFundMe account started by a U.S. citizen and to date the fund has amassed 30 Trillion U.S. dollars. The Spandex Kitten Telegraph was able to track down one U.S. donor who wishes to stay anonymous and insisted on going by his GoFundMe username 45MAGAmania69. When asked what prompted him to donate he said, “ The only way America can be great again is if we stop the flow of immigrants and inflammatory ideas like free healthcare and low gun violence.” When 45Magamania69 was asked if he felt white supremacy was on the rise in the U.S., he said “Yes, and with a little luck and few walls we can keep it that way.”

The Spandex Kitten Telegraph will continue to follow this developing made up story.

Join the Conversation


  1. Can we tunnel into Canada if you build a wall? Can I seek asylum if I sneak in? I have roots in Canada. People with my surname, Polish in origin to be sure, are in Canada. Somebody owes me something, and when I figure it out I’m going to queue up for hockey tickets, canadian bacon and free healthcare. Can I exchange pesos?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. At Spandex Kitten we have heard that depending on your skin tone, the amount weapons you carry on you and whether or not you are triggered by the word “reparations” you may be allowed right in, or arrested on the spot. Good luck and one of the gods speed.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I applaud Canada’s efforts. Looking down on us from up there? I’d want a barricade against the crazy as well.
    A wall on the Mexican border, a wall on the Canadian border…. in essence a playpen for our idiot baby in chief.

    Liked by 2 people

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