We are worried about the wrong aliens!!!

WARNING – I will be talking about politicians, but I will NOT be talking politics

I use to think that the reason politicians always looked so awkward and creepy was due to the fact that they were such sniveling liars who had to put on a relatable face to cover up the lies.

Bipartisan examples below – 

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I have been giving this strange phenomena some deep thought recently and have come up with an alternate theory. I say alternate but i believe the evidence put forward will all but prove this to be true. 

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  These two aliens learned to kiss watching home made porn.

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  This alien learned to walk watching The Three Stooges. Also notice the sweet relatable blue jeans

Now, imagine you were from outer space and your species had been travel trillions of miles in search of other life to research. On this trip you come across a beautiful blue mostly water covered planet inhabited by many billions of beautiful yet stupid animals, what would be the first thing you think of? Communication right? But you couldn’t just swoop in and start jabbering away in your local tongue, none of the semi intelligent beings would understand what you were on about. So you sit back for several months, possibly years and you research their ways. Obviously one of the first things you, as an alien, would notice is the bone crushing stupidity of this species and the excessive amount of war they subject themselves to due to this ever increasing ignorance that seems to be plaguing the planet. However, during your studies you realize a couple things. First, humans are an attractive species, making them vain. Second, they are extremely gullible and are easily duped but what they call a smile. Third, that an outright meeting with this species will most certainly cause immediate fear and confusion resulting in all out war. However, you, the alien species, will want to learn more about how this planet’s inhabitants has survived for many hundreds of thousands of years. So you do a little more research and make your move. You, the much more intelligent alien species, assumes the only way to meet these animals on their terms and not cause a lot of yelling and fire making would be to don human form and learn more and study how this all came about.

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  This alien learned to dress himself by reading some sort of mom jean catalog.

At this point you are probably asking what this has to do with politicians and their weird attempts to smile and be relatable. I will explain now. Imagine if the only way you knew how to act like human was by reading about human things and watching human interaction via their televisions shows. Imagine if your only experience with a smile was reading a description of one in a book. Just think of how awkward it would be to have a beer with your buddies if the only way you knew how to do it was by watching a clip of the TV show “Friends”. If this was your first time interacting with a species and all you knew about them was what you read in “US weekly” or watched on “FOX news” all of your interactions would looked forced and disconnected. This leads to my theory, which at this point I’m sure you all have guessed. Politicians are obviously aliens. But, there is a much deeper point to all of this. Politicians are clearly aliens, yes, however, what was initially intended to be just observation of our planet has turned into an invasion. Just look at the picture evidence posted in this piece. It has hit on all sides of the political spectrum not just here in the united states but in all countries across the world. One thing is clear, these aliens have figured out that humans are easily confused and brought to their knees by creepy smiles and awkwardly drank beer. So really aside from proving my point that most if not all politicians are an invasive alien species, this is a call to arms we all need to take action and send these aliens back to where they came from. At the very least we need to detain them in sub par holding facilities until we can figure out what to do next.

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  This alien learned to brush his hair by watching dog groomers on acid

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  This alien learned how to campaign by reading Mein Kampf

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  This sexy ass alien learned to shave by watch Gillette commercials in fast forward.

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  These 2 aliens learned how to interact with women by watching Girls Gone Wild

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  This alien learned how to drink a beer watching flip phone videos of fraternity parties